I haven’t done one of these chatty posts where I rant about something I’m struggling with in a while, so today I thought I would talk with you about something that is very close to my heart: shyness.
I’ve been labeled as shy even when I didn’t know what the word meant. My teacher reports at school always said I was a very autonomous but too quiet student. I rarely put my hand up in class or took the initiative to talk to someone. But I believe my shyness got worse through the years as I realized what being shy meant. I started to see it as a part of me. I was shy so I had to behave like I was shy. I don’t know if this makes sense to you but I guess you just get used to being that way.
“Why are you so shy?” was a question I’ve been asked multiple times but never found an answer. I hate it, it’s so frustrating. It’s not that usual to ask someone why they are outgoing or confident. I didn’t chose to be shy, trust me – it kept me away from doing so many things. And why do I need to explain it? I felt like people were judging me for my personality, like being shy was a bad thing. So I started seeing it as a problem, something I had to change.
I’m also aware that being shy can come across as snobby, which is so not true. If people knew I’m just scared to make a fool out of myself, say the wrong thing and worrying too much about what others are thinking of me… Shyness is a fear of social judgement, it has to do with lack of confidence and insecurities.
A few years ago I realized that apart from being shy, I was also an introvert. Then again, I used to see it as a bad thing, something I had to change. Then I discovered Quiet which is a great book for those struggling to accept their quiet personality. It helped me understand that both introversion and shyness are not traits to be ashamed of, they’re part of who I am.
Life, age and stepping out of my comfort zone once in a while helped me with my shyness but there’s still a long way to go when it comes to being more confident and less worried about other’s opinion. If any of you can relate to this, I just want you to know you’re not the only one dealing with shyness. It’s okay to be more quiet than others, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. And, there’s a lot more to you than being “the shy one”, don’t ever forget that.
I would love to read your thoughts on shyness 🙂
I’ve ALWAYS been shy, always labelled “The Quiet One” and it’s so frustrating! I find it quite insulting when people say “oh it’s always the quiet ones” if I do something surprising (to them) or just labelling me as shy. I have gotten a lot better asserting myself with age, but to be honest, I quite like the fact I can sit back and listen sometimes. I might be shy but I am an incredibly good listener and thinker and I know my good friends really value the fact that I am a good listener and balance conversations well. I wish people would stop putting negative connotations with shyness though. Everyone is different. Thank you for this post though it’s always nice to know other peoples struggles with this. It’s nice to know we’re not alone! 🙂
I completely get what you’re saying, especially how annoying it can be when people say things like that or “shut up, I’m sick of hearing you” trying to be funny. It is not funny. And yes, there’s nothing wrong with being quiet or shy unless it stops you from living your life which happens to me more often than I would like. But like you said, it gets better with age and taking small steps out of our comfort zone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Charlotte, I really appreciate your lovely words 🙂 x