There is something I need to say. When I write some of my advice blog posts, I am mostly writing them to myself. It’s as if I want to say something to my sub-conscience and find a way to do it by writing on my blog. Then, if you are able to relate to my story or take something positive out of it, that’s even better.
I don’t claim to know everything or have my life all figured out – trust me, it really is quite the mess. But aren’t we all in the same boat?
That is why I share my story – even if I’m still struggling to find my way through it. Because I know there is someone like you on the other side of the screen that might feel exactly the same way and it’s comforting to create that connection.
This is one of those blog posts. I came across the question “what’s holding you back?” on Pinterest and it stuck with me. As a big daydreamer, I have plenty of dreams. The issue here is that I always let something hold me back from attempting to achieve them.
While I do know something is holding me back, I don’t really stop and pay attention to why that happens or what exactly holds me back. So I asked myself that question again.
What Is Holding You Back?
What is holding me back from something I truly want? Is it fear of not being enough? Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of success? Is it fear of people judging me? Is it fear of discomfort?
Did you notice how all these questions include the word fear?
Fear is what holds us back. Fear is what stops us in our tracks.
That happens because we make decisions based out of fear and not love. To be honest, saying this makes me cringe a little – it’s so cliché, yet so true. It’s about seeing things with a different perspective.
But I know how hard it can be to ignore the fear in the back of our mind.
Fear lies, though. It makes you believe all these lies that you can’t do something because it is scared of the unknown – please go watch this Will Smith’s video on fear.
Isn’t it a lot easier to simply give up to fear and not act? I’m not happy at my current job but I’m not sure I’ll find any better so I might as well stay where I’m at. Instead, why don’t we try to make more decisions based on love and hope? I’m not happy at my current job so I’ll look for a better one until I find it.What is holding you back? What is the reason behind your resistance? Click To Tweet
This is why it is so important to identify what is holding you back, the reason behind your resistance. Only when you do that is when you can move forward. If you’re not aware of what’s holding you back, how can you work towards changing it? How can you fight something you don’t even know what it is?
3 Lies That Might Be Holding You Back
I am not enough.
The main thing holding us back is self-limiting beliefs. It is not circumstances, timing or even other people around us. It is the perception we have of ourselves.
The Life Coach School is one of my favorite podcasts and there is one specific episode on how our thoughts create our results. Let me see if I can explain it. First, we have the circumstances which are facts we can’t control. They are neutral to us until we have a thought about it. Thoughts are sentences in our mind (not facts) and determine how we feel. A feeling is a one-word adjective based on what we are thinking. Then, how we feel will drive different actions and those actions will create a certain result.
Isn’t that interesting?How we choose to look at things creates our reality and our thoughts become our beliefs. Click To Tweet
We tend to forget that how we choose to look at things creates our reality and our thoughts become our beliefs. So pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Stop telling yourself you are not enough or you don’t have the skills. Stop settling for smaller goals and don’t be afraid to dream big.
I need outside validation.
The reason why not everyone around me knows about my blog is that I fear being judged. I’ve only had positive feedback from it so far but I can’t shut the little voice inside my head saying “they say good things in front of you but laugh behind your back”.
Why does it matter so much?
It matters so much because I’m a people-pleaser who seeks validation from people around me. As much as I hate to admit this, it’s true. And I guess we all deal with this at some point in our life. We let the fear of what other people will think, dictate our actions.
Why do we let this happen?
Because we feel insecure in ourselves, in our dreams or in our actions. It all goes back to self-limiting beliefs.
Here’s another story. Back in high-school, I had these white Converse and my mom complained every single time I wore them during Winter – even more, if it was raining (apparently you’re not supposed to wear white in Winter – go figure). But I couldn’t care less. I was confident in my wearing them.
It’s a completely different story when it comes to my blog. It’s not that I’m not proud of it. The thing is, I share so much of me online that I’m not able to share with others around me. I pour in this blog my thoughts and feelings. I get vulnerable. While it is freeing, it is also uncomfortable. It makes me fear what others will think. It makes me fear my writing is not good enough or my thoughts are stupid. It makes me fear not being approved.Don't let fear be a valid reason to not take action. Click To Tweet
It is time to quit the people-pleaser habits and stop seeking validation from someone else. Every time you’re about to make a decision, check in with yourself to see if it feels right to you or if you’re trying to please someone else. Focus on creating a better relationship with yourself. Trust your own instincts.
I am not ready.
Does anyone ever feel truly ready?
You see all these successful people, yet didn’t see the bumpy ride that took them to where they are now. They weren’t ready, they just started. And they might not even be where they want to be just yet but at least they are a few steps ahead.
When you give that excuse, it is probably because you are either not really interested or you are procrastinating. And procrastination is not laziness, it is fear.Stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and focus on what could go right. Click To Tweet
Stop acting from a place of fear. Stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and focus on what could go right. You are never going to be 100% ready to do something and the right time might never come.
As Marie Forleo puts it, everything is figureoutable.
What to take from this?
When you make excuses why you can’t do something, you are holding yourself back. You’re not even giving yourself a chance to move forward. And it will surely be difficult. But will it be as difficult as sitting day after day in a job you dislike? If that’s really your dream, I’m sure it will be worth it. Don’t let fear be a valid reason to not take action. Instead, ask yourself what is holding you back. Be honest. Trust yourself and make a decision from a place of love & hope.
What is holding you back?